Thoughts on Life and Death
As the seasons change, and children go back to school, we find ourselves falling into another routine. Thoughts of “what am I doing with life”, “How do I find my passion”, “what’s my purpose”, and “I can’t keep going down this road” all come rushing back. These are common thoughts I often encounter professionally, and personally, during this time of year. As humans, we are perpetually remained of our sensitive timeline in life. Whether through social media, school, our jobs, or even through the aging of those around us. It’s natural to think of death. Where it becomes a concern, is when those thoughts just won’t stop.
Whether we’re parents, teachers, counselors, coworkers, friends, or family members, we all experience a fear of talking about it, especially when it’s connected to thoughts of suicide. The fear can look like anxiousness, a racing heart, sweating, jitteriness, or just a desire to be alone. Whether it is related to cultural beliefs or not, there still seems to be a feeling of shame connected to it. Unfortunately, the taboo nature of talking about death keeps us from connecting with others, who are likely having the same thoughts. The more we avoid this conversation, the more distant we all become.
If you have ever thought, “How do I have this conversation?”, you are not alone. There is a misconception that by talking about suicide, we somehow increase the risk to others. This is not only false, but I would add that by not talking about it we are more at risk. When trying to start the conversation, the first thing to do is lean in and ask, “when have you last thought about suicide?” If you have an intuition that something is wrong, coming into the conversation with some knowledge of local support resources can help calm the situation. It’s important to recognize that these conversations naturally provoke anxiety, so let’s try to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. By asking these questions, we begin to create a safe space to actively listen to each other. Actively listening means we are not trying to problem solve or give advice. We are simply trying to hear what the person we care about is going through.
Try to frame the question with empathy and compassion. Saying something similar to “You know, sometimes when people going through so much, like I hear you are, thoughts of death or suicide come up…if for no other reason than to end the pain. When was last time you thought about suicide?” Now, this may sound ridiculous and like nothing you would say, but the important part is being there to ask. Letting that person know you care enough to notice something seems off. It is this gesture and creation of space that often begins the healing process for many people.
In my experience, it’s better to assume suicide is always an option for whomever you are asking. I believe the more we create opportunities to address the topic of suicide, we more we will notice how common the thoughts are for us all. And with the upcoming changes in seasons, work, school, and relationships, let’s make it a point to check in with each other more often and with more purpose.
*If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health, suicide or substance use crisis, or emotional distress, you can reach out 24/7 to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) by dialing or texting 988 or using chat services at suicidepreventionlifeline.org to connect to a trained crisis counselor. You can also get crisis text support via the Crisis Text Line by texting NAMI to 741741.*
